What is it with this morbid infatuation with chili’s. Eh? … I used to love my (indian) on a Friday and Saturday night when I was a young man back home in Scotland… After a night out getting suitably inebriated everyone would gravitate to the nearest Indian restaurant.
Those poor buggers must have hated it… and I suppose they still do. The 11 o’clock pour out of the pubs and clubs with a quick stagger to your second local before they closed… … I guess takeaways were the preferred option for the staff…. A quick cook up and send us off down the road giggling to ourselves caressing our pungent companion like it was a scene out of the Lord of The Rings.(COME WITH ME MY PRECIOUS!!!)
Naw… I’m talking about those cowboy clientele who would decide to sit in, talking absolute rubbish LOUDLY, to and all and sundry… Let me paint a quick picture, some of you might recognize …First it was the seating arrangements, usually done with the finesse of a herd of drunken elephants. The usual chaos ensued with chairs scraped loudly, accompanied with swearing, bumping, apologizing … and then the main man would bring things to order…
“You sit there hen, it’s next tae the lavvy, just in case, y’know, …yer in a hurry… Tam…you sit there, I don’t trust wee Sammy, he’ll try and bugger aff withoot payin… Doreen you sit next tae Franny but just watch oot he gets a bit handy with a drink in him… Am sitting here coz I’ll be counting the money to make sure ye all pay yer way… and no nicking any of the salt and pepper shakers or cutlery…it’s no funny right! I waant tae get back in here…RIGHT WHO’S ROUND IS IT!!! …BYE THE WAY, WE’RE SHARING THE Bill… AND NAW YE CANNY GOT YER ANE DRINKS IN… Ah, those were the days.
It’s a bit more relaxed here in Oz, we don’t seem to get the same …. How can I put this… Excesses… Well I don’t anyway …Of course life, has changed for everyone now. Living for the weekend, they used to call it… Most folk are just more laid back with the sunny outdoor life… I guess that makes us more conducive to being laid back, it may be the fact that we have to drive everywhere now, and Australia is a big place …so less drinking and yahooing …
That suits me because I’m not up for a bevvy like I used to. And I make my own curries also… So …getting back to spices, I can’t handle too much spice now… I blame the wife… if I’ve even looked at a chili and start to make a curry her superpowers come into play…
Maggie hates chili, she tells me it’s like an atomic bomb going off in her mouth. So it’s a mild curry being the order of the day nowadays… she tells me she loves me and she’ll eat it even if it is the food of the devil himself… But usually it’s little more than a nearly spicy stew. And I have to say that I actually prefer the milder taste now. (OH GAWD, I’M SOUNDING LIKE MRS BUCKET’S HUSBAND RICHARD or Tom or whatever his name is on KEEPING UP APPEARANCES, and I hate that show)
I think it has to do with … how can I delicately put this… the blowback, or should I say… the culmination of an excess of chili… it frightens me how an innocent release from ones buttocks can be misinterpreted as a tearing of the fabric of space and time… or a low flying, F 16 Hornet…and of course we all know it doesn’t stop there… It’s the HEAT!!! Who would have thought that a curry can be as hot going out as it was first welcomed in!!!
No more for me thank you very much…. Once bitten, twice shy as they say! And of course you’ve got all these celebrity chefs throwing it in willy nilly, like it’s going out of fashion… I blame Jamie bloody Oliver… he‘s got everyone throwing in chili in everything now… I even saw a menu with chili in ICE CREAM!!! …can you believe it? … nope… not for me… I cherish my buttocks… hmm…(maybe I should’ve re phrased that last bit.) I cherish not being in pain… And if you are concerned as I am about all this spice being added to our diet. Then you should join me in the fight, against spicy hot ingredient type explosives … also known as S.H. I. T.E
Catch ya later